The Real Urashima
by Kumorigoe
Summary: A burst of...something made me want to write this. Many inside references for fans of the series.


Hey there, it's Kumorigoe again, and this time I've got something all new for you kiddies.  Taking a page from FLCO EX and his excellent 'Ruriem' pieces, I've decided to do one of my own, after reading a particular line in the Love Hina manga, volume nine.  So, without further adeu, my version of _The Real Slim Shady._

Disclaimer:  Eminem, The Real Slim Shady, and all associated articles are the property of their respective owners.  No characters were _seriously harmed in the writing of this fic, because Keitaro seems to be indestructible anyway._

**_The Real Urashima_**

[Keitaro]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Urashima please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Urashima please stand up?

*sweatdrops* 

We're gonna have a problem here…

Y'all act like you never seen a white ronin before

Jaws all on the floor like Naru, like Motoko just burst in the door

And started whoopin my ass worse than before

They first were cohorts, throwin me over furniture (Ahh!)

It's the return of the… "Ahh, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Mr. Seta said… nothing you idiots!

Mr. Seta's dead, he's drowned in my hot spring! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love kanrinrin {*vocal turntable:

Chigga chigga chigga*} "Kanrinrin, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin around, grabbin her you-know-what

Gropin her, you-know-who," "Yeah, but Naru's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's going on in Haruka's bedroom

Sometimes, I wanna lay down, and let loose, but can't 

But it's cool for Kaolla Su to try to break the peace truce

"My ass is getting kicked, my ass is getting kicked"

And if I'm lucky I might just survive and get through this

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a perverted ronin is

Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time the hit fourth grade

They got the Cartoon Network, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals…" well, some of us kendo girls

who cut poor Keitaro open like cantaloupes (SLURP)

But if we can cut up Keitaros and wooden boards

Then theres no reason that town elders can't fuck with your head more

{*OWWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Girls wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes

I'm Urashima, yes I'm Urashima

All you other Urashima's are just living in Hina

So wont the real Urashima please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

Shinobu don't gotta use cookbooks to make her food good

Well I do, so fuck her, and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a recipe?

Half of you girls can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Kei, what if you get in, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys can lie just to get me here?

So you can, sit me here, next to minor characters?

man, Mutsumi Otohime better switch me chairs

so I can sit next to Kitsune and quench my thirst

and hear her argue about who she gave head to first

Little bitch get me fired from Mura Sake

"yeah, he's cute, but I think he's kinda Shinji, hee-hee!"

I should buy her some sake on March fourteenth

And show the whole world how she's a damn alchy

I'm sick of you little girls, you tease me, but you never please me

So I have been sent here to molest thee

And there's a million of us just like me

Who study like me, but just can't pass a test like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me, it just might be

The next best thing, but not quite me!

Chorus

I'm like a pervert to listen to, cause I'm only giving you 

Things you joke about with your friends inside your Hinata-sou

The only difference is I got no balls to say it

In front of you all, so I gotta be false, and surgarcoating it all

I just get on the roof and hit it

And whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I be getting it

Better than ninety percent of you ronins out there

Then you wonder how I can be getting laid without resorting to porn tapes

It's funny, cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the Hinata House flirtin

Pinching girls panties when I know they isn't lookin

And I'm jerking but this whole pile of hentai isn't workin

And every single person is an Urashima lurkin

He could be workin at Beef Bowl, spittin on your spring roll

{*HACH*} or in the parkin lot, circling

screaming "I just got no luck!"

with his windows down and his bruises up

So, will the real Urashima please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Chorus 2X

**A/N**

I just had the idea for this after reading the ninth volume of LH, where Keitaro is hit by a flying manhole cover, and, dazed, quips, "Will the real Naru please stand up?"  I thought that I'd try my hand at a parody songfic, and I think that it turned out ok.  Props go to FLCO EX and his excellent "Ruriem" works, as well as all those who read and wait for my other stories.  (I'm working on them, I swear!)

As usual,

Kumorigoe


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